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雅思范文修改:If visitor should follow local customs

中国雅思网 发表时间:2007年10月13日 来源:中国雅思网

原文:HLH0220  修改:William(美国华裔),雅思公主(shirleyzrb) 

TOPIC:Some people believe that visitors to other countries shoud follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

原文:

As to whether local customs and behaviour should assimilation with the other cultures , these arises a contentious discussion . Before presenting my view ,I intend to discuss both sides of the argument.

Advocates of the other cultures hold the belief that it is benefits of host country to interacted to the other cultures. To begin with ,tourism helps to introduce the country to foreigners and showcase the brilliant history and culture to the outside world. Moreover ,tourists from different countries also bring their own cultures , it can enhance mutual understanding between nations and maintain world peace .Worst of all ,as we know cross-cultural communication is becoming increasingly frequent and cultural assimilation and penetration is inevitable.

Some other people ,however ,are strongly against the host country to have access to the diverses cultures for several sound reasons .Primarily ,it may exert some adverse effects on the aboriginal culture and minority languages to some extent .Furthermore ,cultural globalization will result in one homogenous global culture where everyone speaks the same and thinks the same .Last of all ,globalization poses potential risks to the preservation of  aboriginal culture and languages .

From the above discussion ,we can see that both sides have sound reasonable . Personally ,I am in favor of assimilating with different cultures .On the other hand , we can not lose the sight of risks of globalization . And it is of great significance for a government to make efforts to conserve endangered culture and language.
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修改后:

TOPIC:Some people believe that visitors to other countries shoud follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences.

As to whether local customs and behavior should assimilation(assimilate) with the other cultures , these arises a contentious discussion . Before presenting my view, I intend to discuss both sides of the argument.(first of all, for argumentative essay, you have to state your thesis statement first, not to introduce your essay by restating the question again, present your side and assert it , then discuss both sides and conclude it at the end.)

Advocates who believe that foreign cultures are beneficial to host country because the extent to which they interact. Tourism helps to introduce the country to foreigners and it also acts as a showcase to disclose the brilliant history and culture to the outside world. Moreover, tourists from different countries also bring their own culture into the host country, it can enhance mutual understanding between nations and maintain world peace .As we all know cross-cultural communication is becoming increasingly frequent and cultural assimilation and penetration is inevitable.

Some other people, however ,are strongly against the host country to have access to the diversity of cultures for several reasons .Primarily ,it may exert some adverse effects on the aboriginal culture and minority languages. Furthermore ,cultural globalization will result in one homogenous global culture where everyone speaks the same and thinks the same .Last of all ,globalization poses potential risks to the preservation of  aboriginal culture and languages .

From the above discussion, we can see that both sides have their points. Personally, I am in favor of assimilating with different cultures .On the other hand, we cannot lose the sight of risks of globalization. And it is of great significance for a government to make efforts to conserve endangered culture and language.